Anxiety

Ok, today is Sunday. Last night I couldn’t get comfy in bed so decided the best option for everyone was for me to sleep on the sofa as it’s where I feel best positioned. Got comfy straight away and within minutes had drifted off ( not difficult as im shattered).

Suddenly, without any warning I awoke to the feeling of being winded, no air in my lungs at all. I gasped for air and could feel my heart racing in my chest. It felt like I had a lump in my throat too. Had I slept in such a strange position that it’d stopped my breathing? Slowly I calmed myself, sat quietly for a while, my eyes kept closing but every  time I went to nod off I would jump and my eyes would open wide (you know when you get that feeling of falling and you wake up when you’ve not long gone to bed? Well bit like that!). When you’re so tired things always get magnified, which does NOT help when it comes to anxiety!

So I sat, from 2.03am til 3.08am and I sobbed and sobbed until I didn’t have the energy or tears. I wasn’t crying in pain or finally feeling any ‘loss’, I just needed to let it out. I sat and read up on anxiety after hysterectomy and it’s apparently, very common. Many women had put on forums about what I was feeling. Suddenly, I realised this was ok, it was almost normal. I started doing some breathing techniques I knew, my cat came and lay by my side and I concentrated on stroking her. Slowly I drifted back off!

5 hours later I woke up to a cuddle from my son. I’d done it, I had slept through and I feel much better for it. I only wish I’d have known all these little things before, but you tend to just look at the physical side of recovery. The other thing I came across is that I should be doing breathing techniques to expand my lungs and get rid of any secretions that have built up due to anesthetic – when I stand I get a tickle in my lungs and need to cough, again this is normal, but no-one mentioned this. I do feel let down post operatively, by the hospital as they have given me no paperwork at all about post hysterectomy/operation care! In hindsight, this is something I wish I’d have researched more on and been more adequately prepared.

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