Worries and fears…

And so that was Monday! Blimey, it’s gone fast today. Going back to work after Easter, within 15 minutes it felt like I’d never been off!! 

First thing today had to go and have my last lot of bloods taken ready for Friday. It’s fast approaching now. Made a couple more phone calls, sorted my son’s school out for Friday. As we have no other family, both my husband and son will be coming with me on Friday, need to be at hospital for 7.30am. Have asked for his absence to be classed as ‘special request’ but I won’t hold my breath!

I didn’t sleep well last night as I had constant nightmares! Ridiculous stuff really, with both my husband and son appearing in them. Each time I woke up my heart was racing and I remember saying to myself “for goodness sake, stop thinking stupid things!” My nightmares were so vivid, I remembered every single one of them this morning. After talking to my husband, we both agreed that they must have been down to anxiety! Fingers crossed, no more tonight!!

Obviously, anxiety is bound to rear it’s ugly head at this stage – only 4 days to go! I would say the anxiety and worries I have are about what my surgeon will find, if it’s a mess with endometriosis and if it is, what will he do? I know he had said that if he can’t get my cervix out easily, he’ll leave it, but his main goal is to remove everything! Then I worry about what pain I’ll come round to, even though I know I’ll be on intravenous pain relief. I would say a lot of these worries are of things I have no control over and generally I am someone who likes to be in control and when it’s taken away, I panic! I do however, have full faith in my consultant/surgeon and I know he’ll do the very best for me. 

I will try some relaxation techniques tonight to relax me before bed, to stop my mind from going into overdrive! I’ve looked into the best things to do to relax before bed. So tonight I’m going to 1. Listen to the sounds outside, the wind (windchimes in a neighbours garden) and then 2. Focus on my breathing, finally 3. Only remember/think of good memories and happy events. I’ve also seen that there are some really good scents to relax you, Lavender, Vanilla and Jasmine. Will feedback tomorrow on if it works! 

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